Saturday, November 8, 2008

Review - House

Two unsuspecting couples find themselves broken down in a small Alamba town and find a mysterious nearby Bed and Breakfast that they hope will have a phone they can use. The two couples soon realize that the bed and breakfast is not what it appears and instead is a satantic house that has some very dangerous inhabitants. The couples must produce one dead body before sunrise or the killer will kill them all.

House is a miserable film with laughable acting and dialogue, terrible twists that you can see a mile away, a defective story and a worthless climax that make for an all around lousy movie experience. Directed by Robby Henson and written by Ted Dekker and Rob Green, House is a poor excuse for a horror film and belongs in the ranks of direct-to-dvd. The film has no redeemable factors despite the fact of having Michael Madson and Bill Moseley within the cast and ultimately was a real chore to finish.

The biggest problem with House is it doesn't know what it wants to be, or more particularly, its just a defective hodge podge of the latest gimics in the horror genre. House is a maniac killer film, it is also a satanic house story, a ghost story and finally it's a vicious game with a deadly, but poorly executed outcome. The story introduces Tin Man, who claims to have killed God for coming into his house. Tin Man introduces a game he wants to play, much like what we have grown so tired from in the Saw series. Later it is revealed that the House and its inhabitants are apart of some satanic cult. The House can also prey on its victims worst fears and use those fears against them. Finally there is a ghost story that tries to shed light on the drasticly inferior film. The worst part of all these reused storylines is none of them make sense or intersect with any cohesion. Instead they all feel like flavors of the week slapped together desperately trying to work to some avail.

The two couples that carry the film are second-rate actors at best. Reynaldo Rosales, Heidi Dippold, Julie Ann Emery and J.P. Davis spew middle level television talent and their performances in the best moments just come across flat. It doesn't help that the dialogue they must deliver is so bad, it feels like it could play on late-night Cinemax movies. In their defense however, no self-respecting actor who wasn't eager for work would have touched these roles. The film and dialogue doesn't disguise itself as remotely good from the start. The film opens with shotty dialogue and a all too typical setting, that leads the viewer to believe that the film is heading in a very bad direction with no possible hope of a u-turn.

With Michael Madson and Bill Moseley in the film one could have hoped for some great performances from the two talents, but much like the rest of House, their performances are lost in all the bad dialogue and storytelling. Moseley's character is introduced as similair to Sheriff Hoyt in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with some intense moments but quickly fades into the background ands gets lost in all the other clashing story angles. Madson who plays Officer Lawdale also is a huge disappointment when you see where his character is going and how bad he develops. It comes at you like high-beams on a semi truck and feels like a train wreck for sure, when you realize that yes, the story just went there.

House is just simply, a terible movie. Not just a bad horror movie, for which there are plenty, but just a all around pitiful film with no redeeming qualities. House recieved a small limited release this week and should vanish out of cinemas very quickly. It is a film that should be skipped and only watched if there is absolutely nothing else of value to watch on.